OK, bear with me. This is really out there.
So, I've had a very interesting existence so far. Back in the drug days I was infamous as a bad guy. When I cleaned myself up, I was known as a "good friend". I always had every body's back, regardless of which phase I was in. Loyalty has always been very important to me. Something I noticed was sorely lacking in my family.
Here's where my existential crisis comes in (seriously, this is really fucking out there). Perception is reality. As pretty much all of my friends no longer perceive me, I find that my reality is greatly diminished. I am becoming less real every day. The question is, am I no longer perceived by them or do they just not care? If they just don't care, I'm still real. If they no longer perceive me, then I no longer exist to them. Thus, I'm no longer real to them.
This diminishes my personal reality. I'm becoming less real. As an example of this theory, take a look at the Old Gods-Zeus, Odin, Ogham, the list goes on and on. When they had many followers who truly believed in them, they existed. Now, with the advent of Christianity and other religions, and their war on the Old Gods, they are little more than folk tales now. They are powerless and no longer exist in the minds of most of the world (excluding pagan folk like myself, even though we don't perceive them in the same way as in their hey-day). Now, I'm not claiming to be godlike by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just an old punk who's tired. And I feel like I'm becoming less real with each passing day.
What the hell happened? Where did the apathy to my existence come from?
Like I said, it's really fucking out there. It's been a tough year.
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5 comments:
It's not out there. ;)
But Mr Bear, only you can make you real. If a bear is alone in the forest, is he still real? Is he still alive? Is he still important?
Hells yeah.
People suck ass, and when you learn to stop expecting the world from people who don't even know what the world is, that's when you get closer to becoming real.
To value yourself and understand that you are the only person you will ever fully rely on will allow you to accept the limitations of others without assuming they are somehow a reflection of yourself.
You have to keep breathing, keep living, until you figure out what your value is. Otherwise, it's just a waste. ;)
Yes but it's hard some times I was everyones goto guy .Now I'm a passing mention on face book
You're very, very real. I promise you that. You have to be real, because you're the center of my world.
(and I'm tagging you for a MeMe. see my blog for details!)
Yeah, but that's what happens. People are self-centered. It has nothing to do with you.
Besides, you're Skrykey's goto guy and who in the world is more important than her? :)
Absolutely true. I've recently realized that one of my Ls was missing and have reconnected with this glorious goddess who is daft enough to accept me as her man.
And watch for my next post; Reality versus fuck you guys!
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